Back in Cali, there are ExBFs & Pot

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So as of last Sunday, I’m back in LA on vacation from work in Hawaii. It was a bittersweet homecoming as the plane touched down in LAX on st. Pattys day. the now exbf was due to pick me up at 9pm as he insisted. As soon as the wheels hit the tarmac, my body went into convulsions of tears. Happiness in that I was home to familiarity and In & out burger, but sadness as the realization hit that I no longer had real roots in LBC since him and I broke up in December. As soon as I saw him at the foot of the escalators my body went as numb as indica. I remember we kissed but it felt dulled and dreamlike. My mind and heart were still in Hilo. I was angry things had come to this but hopeful that perhaps things would be different In person.

The next day, literally was spent arguing all over again. Yea yea I know what everyone says: “what’s so surprising? He’s your ex for a reason.” Well I didn’t appreciate his lying about a girl texting him or the fact that he hid it. I get it, we aren’t together and both of us have every right to date around. But a simple question deserves a simple answer, not an instantly defensive reaction. 

My point is: I don’t care who texts what. Just don’t lie about it. I don’t get angry if people text. Guys text me all the time. It’s lying about it that changes it and makes things rough. 3 days later and billions of arguments after Monday, here we are. Guns drawn in one hand, roses in the other. I’m torn- do what I’ve always done and distance myself from someone who has hurt me time and time again, or hope that things will be better and different? I do give him credit for eventually telling me the truth, but at what point should I stop fighting for the truth? Shouldn’t the truth already be known? As much as I see him fighting for “us”, I’m exhausted at the thought of possibly missing out on otherwise great guys elsewhere.

Ex boyfriends make me appreciate the homeless potheads in Venice Beach with the “Why lie? I need to get high” signs. 

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