April Fools for Fools


By the time we got back to his place, the alcohol had crept into the dark sides of my mind and pushed out all the thoughts and memories of him hurting me. They swirled and came out in a verbal fury. I passive-aggressively questioned him about his wrong-doings and instead of calming me down, he accused me of never loving him. That sent me over the edge since I spent so long trying to forgive him and show him love the way he’d understand. I was just angered to hear him say “you never loved me” when I obviously did since I still kept him in my life.
I jumped back and told myself “fuck it”.
If he’s going to accuse me of never loving him, I don’t need to be here. So I started packing my suitcase. Then before I knew it, he was grabbing my stuff and throwing it outside the door. I was mortified- his neighbors probably thought we were ghetto. Yelling and screaming and crying and tossing stuff out the door. Shoot, I would’ve thought I were ghetto too. I wasn’t even wearing pants when he flung the door open. As I prepared to leave for the last time, he started calling girls to see if they’d hang out. What a slap in the face. “Maybe I’ll just invite Rosalina to Vegas with me” was all I heard before I shut him out of my head.
So I gathered my stuff, put my pants on, and ran out the door. He grabbed his keys, beat me downstairs, jumped in his car and left as I quickly walked down the sidewalk. Then after circling the block, he came back as I opened my trunk, and jumped out of his car.
“Wait, stop”, he said as he grabbed my luggage from me. I was done listening to him. I pushed him away, put my crap in the car, and left.
He didn’t actually take me seriously when I said I needed space. So here I took it. In the middle of the night, I drove an hour and a half south to San Diego. I was supposed to visit a friend in SanDog anyway so here was a great opportunity. The rest of the night was full of his scathing words filling up my voicemail and text box. I was done with his bad mouthing, done with his lies, done with his accusations of not loving him. I thought it was time to get away. Besides, if he wanted me in his life, he’d need to change how he spoke to women. Could I expect an apology? Should I expect anything?
In San Diego, my great friend instantly had his couch set up for me. What an April Fool I let back into my life. Now here I was, the Fool.


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