Everyday, there is at least a small time that I take To reflect on my interpersonal relationships. Lately, it’s mostly been about me and the ex. No matter how many times we fight and makeup, no matter how many times I’ve tried to let it all go, the curious part of me questions: “what would happen if I didn’t always act the way I’m naturally inclined?” Naturally, I leave a relationship/person when things run afoul. This time, instead of plain cutting myself out of his life, I noticed I kept going back for more. Now, this isn’t to say I’m co-dependent (because I know that’s what you’re thinking), and it isn’t because it’s a game. Because it’s not a game. However, I realized something: if I were to change my reaction to his actions/behavior, what would be the outcome? This was my rationale that ended up with us back together, among other things.
He used to tell me that he didnt understand how my love works, that he thought love was about (insert fairy tale bs here). I contested and said that its the everyday simple acts of affection and care. No glitter necessary. It was frustrating to hear him dismiss my “obvious” acts of care for him, while only hearing him speak in affectionate terms (rather than show me). On the flip side, I took it as a challenge. Since we show/perceive love in different ways, how do I translate my affection for him, as well as ensure that I know he’s always thinking about me like he claims?
The Solution: A Spring Renewal of an old tradition
Eggs. Easter wasn’t too long ago, and the tradition with it has always been hiding colorful, candy-filled eggs for kids to find. this made me yearn for a new tradition.
In the case of me and the ex, I came up with the idea of showing him I care, in a way he’d constantly be receptive to. Before I was to leave to Austin, I hid pieces of myself around his place. A piece of clothing here, another thing of mine there. I even put my ring I wear all the time onto his keychain. Tangible things to remind him about my care. My benefit was knowing that his analytic and curious mind would continue to think of me even when I weren’t around.
A couple days later, he began to find my eggs. When he asked how many I hid, I simply said, “as many as can be found”. The thing is, you can’t quantify love, care and feelings. I wasn’t about to tell him how many eggs I hid. It’s a known human fact: once a kid knows how many eggs are in the grass, the goal becomes not “what can I find”, but becomes “how many can I find”.
I didn’t want him to make the goal of searching for a number of items. I wanted the goal to stay: “how does she care?”
I wonder if he’s found today’s eggs… ^_-