The SoCalette is Back in Hawaii

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So now that I’m back to work, some old feelings have been creeping back up. For those of you who don’t know this, I work abroad on a ship. I won’t go too much into detail but if you want to know more, my comment box is open 🙂

   Anyway, these feelings remind me of that strange gut-knot feeling when it’s impossible to sleep but tough to stay awake at the same time. I can only describe it as a thick anxiousness. I am with someone I love, who did me wrong the last time I was away from Cali, and who could potentially hurt me again. Am I a masochist? A munchausan’s sufferer? Perhaps just a sick and twisted romantic? Whatever it is, it’s making me excited and nervous for everyday that I’m away from him.
   What is he doing right now? Who is he hanging out with right now? I’m sure he has those same lingering fears and questions for me, but I hardly think he knows we share those same thoughts.
   I work out here for several reasons. I had a great day job back in California but got burnt out (among other things), and decided to try something new. *do it for the experience,* my mother would say. But little did I know id be meeting my bf right before I was set to leave last year.
  The saying is: “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” Does it? Or does it make the liver grow fattier and the mind grow crazier? Somewhere I need to find the focus in order to get through not seeing him for atleast a couple months besides on Skype and in my dreams.
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