Itching with Scar Tissue

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After almost two months of being back together, I woke up yesterday with butterflies in my stomach. Actually, more like moths. My intuition was perking and much to my dismay, I found that my boyfriend had searched for a handful of different girls on Facebook in the last few days. Some of which he swore he would never talk  to again. When confronted, his first reaction wasn’t to apologize, but to throw it in my face a say it was retaliation for me being around a guy I work with. That guy and I had a fling of some sort a few months ago, but never was anything serious, and was in total response to Aaron cheating on me in December. But now, in Aaron’s mind, it was ok to try an contact these girls since I was back at work and hanging out with my coworker and some friends.
 I know we are both in the wrong. I know we are both really stubborn. I know we both still love eachother even though I broke up with him yesterday for the second time. It’s just that I wonder how much grief is enough? Are relationships supposed to be this hard with trust? Or have I just never before felt the strain of true love and dedication til now? I was quick to back out yesterday since Aaron wasn’t quick to apologize. But how much apologizing should I have to do for hanging out with my coworker after being asked not to?
Love is crazy. We are crazy. When I’m not with Aaron, I miss him and of course think of all the good times. When I am with him, his tiny slips bring back WAVES of terrible memories of times he made me cry, hurt and angry. I’m trying to sort things out but I’m impatient. I want to know now where to go and what to do.
The scar tissue from last year and this year has built up over me and continues to suffocate my emotions. I need help.
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