At about 9am and I had just got into Malibu. Up until then, the morning haze blanketed the coast but made for a lovely drive.
, several friends and I met at the Korean friendship bell where Palos Verdes and San Pedro merge. The agenda: hike the sunken city and see where the day takes us. This hike was not only exciting because it was the first this summer for me, but also because it meant that I was capable of still maintaining friendships after a hiatus from social life. I was merging a couple of friends I’ve had with a couple new friends I made in the last couple weeks. It’s important for me to know that my friends mesh well, even if its only once in awhile.
The 5 of us crawled underneath a mangled fence at point Fermin, and started to hike around ruins where houses and roads sunk into the soft earth and into the ocean. The vastness and graffiti lent itself to look like parts of Inception, where the buildings were falling into the ocean. We balanced on concrete platforms once roadways, made our way down to the shore, trekked across ocean rubble, marble rock, and what smelled like dead seal. Finally we got to the Tidepools, which are these massive natural Tidepools where you can find starfish, fish, crabs, sea urchin, anemone, and even octopi in the natural habitats. A couple of the guys actually got a picture of an octopus eating a small crab! The blue of the sky reflected off the clear water and shimmered like stars. Eventually, we hiked back up to the cars after almost 4 hours of solid hiking.
Later, we convened at BJs brewery at the Del Amo mall in Torrance. It’s a great restaurant on a lovely patchwork mall. A few rounds of Happy Hour later, we were joking, talking about summertime, crazy festivals, and drinking games. Then one of my friends brought up the topic: “who we are into”. Of course, with my dating history, I became the focal on this topic, as 1. I don’t have consistent types of guys I go for, 2. One of my friends at the table had a slight crush on me.
This is where, as joking as I get, I’m firm when I say: “I’m not ready to date”. They understood, but I still had to answer the hypothetical question. I told them id answer as soon as I knew~
After the guys left, my girl friend and I walked around the mall, spent time at a coffee shop, and she lectured on me and my unnecessary tolerance to my ex. I welcomed her words- sometimes our best friends need to do the job at beating our egos down. She was right- I have more to focus on in life besides ex drama. The main topic though was not about him, but about his kids. I got attached to his two young kids and, maybe more than he knows, began to love them as my own. She understood I care for them but she was wise in suggesting to just wish them the best.
Later for dinner, I met up with a friend for Shabu shabu at this new place in long beach in Belmont Shore. I had no idea what to expect but knew the food had to be healthy atleast. After happy hour earlier, my body cried for noooo grease. The food was amazing- fresh noodles, veggies, meat, salmon, and soup! Think kbbq but soup style. Catching up with him was nice, but as the conversation headed towards the topic of dating, I made it clear for the 2nd time today that I am not ready to get into any relationship. We talked about it, he understood my past lives, helped give me some insight that was much needed, and made me realize its only a matter of time until I’m ready to share myself with someone. I get so caught up in trying to rush life that my values get sacrificed. It’s time to stop and breathe. He asked me why I was so quick to forgive and take back someone who readily hurt me over and over. We discussed my reasons, excuses, rationales. In the end, he brought up something very profound: the pros in my ex were characteristics I never thought I’d be “worthy” of in a guy. And despite the crazy list of cons, the few pros still outweighed. HOWEVER, the pros were purely superficial and cosmetic toward my ego. My friend posed the question: “now that you know you can date a guy with certain traits you’ve liked, who’s to say you can’t find those traits in someone else who doesn’t carry the same baggage? Now that you know it’s attainable, and that you are worthy, upgrade yourself.”
After dinner, instead of going to my friends house in Palos Verdes for the meteor shower, I decided to do the unthinkable- visit my ex. I know, i know, wtf? didn’t I just spend the entire day getting far away?? Well I needed to close this chapter properly. I went over, we spoke about how there was too much hurt. He spoke about fearing girls who won’t accept his kids, told me he still cared about me, and wished I’d stop being stubborn and be with him. I was blunt and said I care about his kids, but the fact that I care more than he does about his kids is insulting. He insists on spending money on random chicks without telling them first that he has kids. Then he wonders why they don’t want to date him further. Finally, he resorted to insulting me, saying I’m just being dishonest to myself about MY feelings or him. Excuse me? I love you dude, but as an ex. I walked out after giving him a hug. Outside, he chased after me (which was weird), and gave me another hug, “I just didn’t want you leaving without knowing that I do care about you.” I shrugged, “wish you could’ve done this right after you left me im san diego on my own.” I walked away and felt something i hadnt felt in a long time: peace.
Finally, I headed to redondo beach to my gal friends house. As I was falling asleep, my other friend texted me, “shall I make you pancakes for breakfast?”
I’m so blessed… Amen to social maintenance.